The Kids Are At School. Who Am I?

The kids are back at school! I no longer have children at home. Whilst this makes me feel sad, I’m also feeling free and less stressed.

Being able to work 5 days of the week has made me feel more human. I haven’t had my hair cut since last November so I’m taking the opportunity to do it guilt free whilst the girls are at school and on a day that I don’t need to be working on the admin, sometimes those things can wait.

All three girls are exhausted come Fridays though so planning one activity a weekend is our limit at the moment. Whilst they love relaxing in their pj’s on a Saturday morning, they love being on an adventure too. It’s nice because having more time to work in the week also means that I’m not thinking about work at the weekends and getting stressed with the kids if I need to check emails. Believe me when I say that this is refreshing!

We usually do bike rides, dog walks (we need to start making the most of the beach and national trust again at this time of the year) and very recently I had the opportunity to take them back to Weymouth Sealife Centre for their CBBC’s The Deep themed event. This was a lot of fun because the kids had to go around and solve the deep sea mysteries. It kept them entertained on the way around and there were a lot of cheers. I realise now that The Sealife Centre actually do different themes so there’s different things to do on each visit. A reason to visit more often. I still didn’t manage to get to the beach after but it was raining at the end of the day and we were exhausted again. The kids did enjoy buying keyrings in the gift shop instead though and collecting more badges. Oh there’s a pop badge swap going on this coming weekend! There’s info over on the Sealife website.

We need to find new bike ride adventures to go on. There must be a local bike group I could join? Riding for hours through the mud and Autumn leaves. THE BEST!

We also love swimming at our local BHLive Active gym with a treat of soft play and drinks after.

With all three at school, Matilda seems to have grown up that little bit more. She is still very much a mummy’s girl but I find it odd that I’m getting me back. Not that I know who ME is these days. I think most parents find that they are on a journey of self-discovery at this point in their life. I have had almost 9 years of juggling children and work so i have no idea how i feel at the moment.

It does feel overwhelming, there’s so much I want to do. I keep promising that I will start my vlog series, especially when i can spend a bit of time making my face and hair look pretty. hehe.


Weymouth Sealife Centre – A Great Day Out!

Over the summer break, we tried to do as much as we could in between both Dave and I working. We were keen to do things that were different and memorable. Camping at different places and a couple of trips to see family in Guernsey have been really wonderful but we were thrilled to also cram in a day trip to one of our favourite places; Weymouth. We haven’t been to Weymouth Sealife Centre in years and I had heard from friends that it had changed so when Liz Lean PR invited me and my family to visit and meet the Octonauts and meet Kwaazi we jumped at the chance. Matilda is a huge fan! I noticed that this was only on until the end of August but now they have CBBC’s most daring family of the deep sea. LOOK HERE

A 40 minutes drive for me and the kids as Dave was working, and although I was really anxious about doing this alone, i knew some friends would be there to say Hi too and we had the satnav!

We were blessed with beautiful weather and a really lovely drive.

As soon as we arrived, we were given some explorers books to check off as we went around. After each section, the kids stamped their books to say that they had been to that section.There are some odd looking fish! fascinated though, the kids got straight to it reading all the facts on the boards as we went around. The only thing we could have done with was a map!

If you go, you have to take some time out to let the kids run around and play at the Caribbean Cove whilst you sit on the grass and grab a costa. It totally restored my energy levels. The kids loved this new area!

This kind of day out is an all day out with a picnic. I loved that there were plenty of picnic areas dotted around. I wish we made the effort to head down to the beach at the end of day because it’s only across the road. A fish and chip supper would have been perfect! We were all so tired from such a fun day and I was worried how i would cope with the tired kids on my own – seriously I panic too much as it’s not like my kids are really bad!

When I asked my girls what they LOVED about the day they said the new Ideas Zone. I have to agree! Basically, the kids put on their lab coats and picked up a toy turtle and then put it under machines to X-ray. Here they got to name them and find out what was wrong with them. It was then their job to nurse them back to good health. The kids absolutely loved that part and we could have easily spent ages in here!

The kids also loved the Splash Zone. I am so glad I packed their swim wear and a towel.


Family Camping. Why it’s great!

Since having children of our own, we have tried to have several staycations where the girls will make amazing memories and as we all have a love for nature and the great outdoors, we seem to have embarked on camping A LOT.

Camping has been THE holiday where we all seem to laugh out loud, have a break from technology and ‘rough it up’. We usually camp without electric and we usually pick those fields without any wifi or signal. Although this is horrible at first, we soon seem to slip into not knowing the time or what is going on in the world of social media. We even misplace our phones in our tent and not seem to care.

camping 5

Our camping trips have seen us go to Trewan Hall in Cornwall, Golden Cap, Nordern Farm, Rosewall, and  Lymington. Picking a good campsite isn’t easy but we have a criteria to follow now. Nice showers and toilets, on site shop, pub within walking distance, crabbing or rock pooling close-by, dog-friendly, firepits allowed. Having a nice shower and toilet unit is important because no matter how much you are ‘roughing it up’, the only piece of sanity you have is the decent shower that you will get first thing after a rubbish nights sleep.

camping 8

My girls adore camping so much and over the years we have added to our camping equipment. Our tent is a pretty good size but we got this tent at an amazingly reduced price so it was a BARGAIN. There’s plenty of places to hunt for a decent tent. We can fit 6 camp beds in a row in the bedroom with our luggage inside and under the beds too. The living room space always fits in all the adults that we usually camp with, which is about 8 of us and all their children. We usually have a games corner, colouring corner, a coat corner and we fit in all the adults chairs. Ours being wonderfully spacious means that we often play host to the group so we can all sit around dry and snug indoors and chat to each other. I now make sure that I take a dustpan and brush because after daily footfall on a large scale and food being consumed, when you shake out the carpet on packing up day we are usually greeted by a three-course dinner – well, usually crushed crisps and bread crumbs.

camping 4

I think investing in a good tent, that will stand the test of high winds and rain is important. British weather is a nightmare and when you plan a camping trip in the summer you can bet that it will rain and blow a gale!

We started our camping trip with blow up beds but we found these annoying and they would deflate quickly. We have since invested in camping beds but, although these are better, they are still not comfy. Me and the kids hate sleeping in sleeping bags so we take our duvets which feels much nicer, but our recent trip found me and the girls freezing! No onesies this time and I think they make a difference. I would suggest you add these to your list!

An essential that I would suggest to any first-time camper reading this is a wee bucket – yep! When your child needs a wee at 1am and it’s cold and dark outside and a trek to the toilet, it’s the last trip you want to be making so we take a bucket that we place in the side part of our tent – it’s actually the toilet room and my kids wee in a bucket. I’m guessing there’s something better out there for this but we use a bright orange bucket and we remain warm and dry. Although if they need a poo in the night then I will aslways send hubby.

We have a porch on our tent that we use for the cooking area. A double gas stove, a kettle and a big cool box is essential. Breakfasts are usually bacon, egg or sausage baps and lunch is usually pasta or pot noodles and dinner is bbq/pasta/mince dish. We usually do the cooking as a group because we find that we all eat the same things. This is so much easier. Although someone needs to forget bringing the crips! My waistline does not appreciate crisps and it’s my weakness especially after consuming the essential red wine.

Don’t forget to take a washing bowl so you can go and do all your washing up – i forgot this first time around and it was a pain!

We have a couple more camping trips planned this summer but as yet we are not sure where to go. It would be so nice to have more car space so we can take the bikes with us too.  I like staying active whilst camping and we do find ourselves on long walks which is lovely. I try and take my running stuff too but it’s not always easy getting up and out for a run when on a family camping trip. It does make you feel really good once you have done a run though, especially when living off naughty food.

camping 1

Our favourite sites have been Rosewall, Trewan Hall and Golden Cap so far. It’s an amazing way to bond as a family and appreciate home a little more!



Could I Study Nutrition and Fitness?

A thought came to me today whilst I was working out in the gym (I soooo had to gloat because it’s Saturday!), and it may sound so crazy but I really would love to study nutrition and fitness and then use my knowledge to work with those who suffer depression. For me, the gym, family bike rides, eating well and running plays a huge part in my mental state. It really helps. I would love to know more. I would love to study it and read about it and write about it. I am a people person so I would love to do public speaking on the issue and help people.

Emma Collins Twitter

Could this actually happen?

Oh wow I feel emotional just thinking about this. I’m excited. I’m actually experiencing butterflies in my tummy!

I set up a running group on Facebook thinking only a few friends would join but i have over 2.5k members – there’s clearly a market for me.

I remember when i was so low that I didn’t want to exist and my health visitor asked if i wanted counselling – no way! She asked if I wanted gym membership – I don’t need to work out! She asked if I wanted pills – say whaaaat? However, if there were more people like me talking honestly about feeling so low that you think your kids would be happier without you around then I would say YES TO THE HELP. Gym for sure. C25K for sure. Build a community around you. Build each other up. High five. Fist pump. Try something new. Challenge yourself.

It can be the little things – and honest to god i know.

I’m actually excited about this idea. I would love to get out to schools and tell them how amazing it is to exercise – even if it means getting out with Pokemon Go. That fresh air, the smiles, the giggles, the bonding with those who go out with you. National Trust, the local heath, the local park. get a dog, get a bike, get outside!

my three girls


My Watch Reminds Me To Breathe

Okay, okay! I have been rubbish this year with writing. Life has got in the way. This is so annoying for me to admit because my one special word for 2017 was BREATHE and I don’t think I have had the time to do that. Even my apple watch reminds me to breathe. I’m not kidding.

Emma Collins Twitter

So my blog… I have lots to write about.

My new house

My kids being haemophilia carriers

My mental health

My life

My work

My weight

Well, there’s plenty. I need to write to literally brain dump my overthinking and craziness.

Let’s start with an update on my little family. Matilda has just turned 4. It’s so strange that she is 4 years old. I saw a reception teacher in Brantano after school today (kids moaning that they need new school shoes and as they are closing down and had 40% off I thought i would put an end to the morning moans) and this teacher and i chatted about when my eldest Nevie started school, Matilda was a 4 month old baby in the pram. I remember that feeling when i had to take all three kids to Nevies ‘meet the teacher’ afternoon’ because i had no childcare and i felt like the worn out, mad mum trying to kep my shit together.  One needing a feed, one wanting to play and the other wanting to be grown up, all whilst trying to take the information in from the new teacher who was about to start teaching my first born. Oh and she has just learned to ride her bike without stabilisers. As determined as her biggest sister was at that age.

Myla currently has an insanely wobbly tooth, so wobbly that she is too scared to eat or drink water which saw her throw herself on my kitchen floor this morning, taking off her clothes in a panic and screaming ‘mum i need ice NOW. I’m burning up. I’m sweating. I’m going to die of thirst mum’ whilst trying to stop the bleeding from her tooth as she had knocked it. She went white and told me she thought that she was going to pass out. This chick goes crazy on the first bit of blood and pain – honestly just like me.

Nevie is her usual unique self. A bull in a china shop. No emotions. No filter. To the point. In her own bubble. She came out of school today an emotional wreck. She is an ice maiden but today i witnessed my daughter cry proper tears after school begging me not to make her do after school netball as planned. I was glad. I have to hang around the school for an hour to wait for her as theres no point going home and i have my other kdis to look after so i can’t read a book, read a magazine, casually stroll around a few shops, go for a walk. Nope. An hour of moaning of hunger, tiredness (that’s not me by the way), so i gave her a hug, wiped her tears and skipped back to the car knowing that wine was closer than i thought.


Me?  Well i’m glad you asked gorgeous readers. I have spent hours thinking that the freelance life isn’t for me. Nobody takes me seriously. No childcare, no office, no working printer (i am aware that i can go and buy another which i will be doing tomorrow), nobody to talk to, nobody to creative think with has all left me re-thinking my path. I have reflected and I have started leaving some clients. There’s a couple that i really don’t want to walk away from so I’m keeping them and working for them with my friend Jill, who gave me my first break into Marketing back in 2004. We have a great working relationship and so we decided to team up, offer a much better service using both our skills and we are amazing! Well soeone needs to say it!

I went cold turkey on my anti-depressants 9 weeks ago. I was warned not to do this, so naturally I did. I have been a little crazy through doing too much, not having any time out, running on nothing, worrying about everything and everyone, doubting myself, anxiety eating, anxiety drinking … BUT it’s not as bad as i imagined. There are days that i want to start taking the tablets again, where i want to walk and keep walking and there is no shame in wanting to do that but when i look at my friends they all seem to cope, they appear happy and content. They have the time to breathe. I’m not sure why I don’t but life seems good for them and they are not on tablets so i believe i need to re-train myself to SLOW DOWN and take a leaf from their book. I actually don’t know how to relax.


Okay more next time folks… I have lunch boxes to make, washing to fold and work to do.


Emma x


Channel Mum Inspired. Time To Vlog

I posted earlier on my YouTube channel about how I didn’t make it as a Channel Mum this time around. I felt a little gutted because I love Channel Mum vloggers and really wanted to be recognised by them and have the support to grow. I think all the vloggers are ACE. I don’t think I have ever felt like the cool kid in the blogging community, and just wanted to be a part of it.


I know you have to blog several times a week and comment and network but I don’t get much of a chance. I think it’s all so fast paced for me and I can’t keep up. I do try. I’m forever in survival mode with the kids and house and running and having my own business so I’m trying to be part of the cool community but it’s such hard work. How does everyone do it? I adore the blogging and vlogging community. I work with so many influencers as part of my job and i admire everyone. I’m only gutted i didn’t make it as a Channel Mum but don’t feel negative towards the decision or towards those that did make it. It’s actually a wake up call of how much i wanted to be accepted and how much i wanted the support to grow but i will simply do it from the ‘outside’ and see what happens.

I know too well not to accept defeat – always another chance and always worth trying again because you actually go on a journey and learn along the way.

Have you seen who has been accepted? I have actually discovered some new bloggers which is exciting.


My kids are keen for me to vlog so let’s do this … and for goodness sake can someone please tell me how to hold my phone to film?!

Well done to those that made it – I’m looking forward to watching you grow 🙂 and to those that didn’t? It’s not the end of the world – just vlog your heart out and see what happens.

Emma x


Trees … The Perfect Escapism

I’m telling myself off right now for not blogging enough. What the heck is wrong with me. I love blogging, i love reading blogs, i love working with bloggers… and yet there’s a matter where I work in PR and i never work at PR’ing myself, market myself or blog. I’m always feeling so content to be looking after everyone else and thinking that I’m not good enough to market myself. WHO AM I? Why do we do this?



Oh my days I am so content these days. Three weeks off the Prozac people… i know i could crash any day now and i have had a couple of moments of tears and rocking with a large glass of wine but my husband is always there to help me and after a good nights sleep  i’m okay again. It’s okay right?  It’s probably very normal and nobody likes to admit. I’m too honest for my own good!

So this month so far my beautiful family have moved house, i have a new business partner (more will be revealed next month), i have applied to be a channel mum but although i’m crossing everything i’m pretty sure there is no way i will be picked but as i have learnt in my last year of freelancing – you never know unless you ask!

Oh my days my house, my new area… It’s not a palace by the way, but it’s the fact that the house is finished and there are no unfinished jobs to be done… honest it’s  the best! After being in a house with unfinished DIY, this is utter bliss. There’s carpet. We spent a year with laminate due to getting a puppy! It was cold and a nightmare to wake up to every morning, especially when the sun was shining. You could see everything!  Every time you came home you were greeted with what felt like a dirty house and it drove me bonkers. There’s a really good sized utility room in this house that i would like turned into my office so this will require plaster board, new lights and painting but I’m saving for the man who can!


I’m really enjoying work these days. Why didn’t i go freelance sooner? The flexible working is great when you have three girls who need you to run them around to all their school clubs, to talk to, to hang out with. I dedicate three days a week to working, and most evenings with the odd weekend mixed in and although i may grumble at times, it’s bloody amazing! I work with parenting brands because i have discovered that that is where my passion belongs. I really enjoy working in the parenting market, and especially working FOR  parents who run their own business. Seriously inspiring and such a rewarding job.

Close to our house we have the heath, a beautiful super huge heath with amazing views. It’s just truly beautiful. Nature really clears my mind. It’s so handy having a dog. It’s less than a 5-minute walk from my house. The sound of the tree’s bustling and the birds tweeting. A good fast paced stomp, a slow walk or a run … it’s all just perfect for clearing the mind, having a good cry and feeling refreshed.


Since moving house, I made a promise that my well-being would come first. I have taken on a couple of freelancers myself and a business partner and I make sure i make time at least once a week to pop to the garden centre and then spend time in my greenhouse. My Fridays are my CHILL THE HECK OUT DAYS and my Mondays are my food shopping days as i spent the weekend fretting about everything i had to do.

It’s funny because i actually said to Dave that if the sun is shining Sunday for Mother’s Day I would love for him to take the kids out to play and I can pop music on, open all my windows without worrying a kid will fall out and clean and potter. It would be a real treat. Jeez … as i wrote that i realised just how sad i am now, or is it that i’m so content and it’s the little treats in life?


New Home With Children

Hey! So we did it… we finally did it. We moved house! This is something that we have been wanting for years and after Dave had a dream that we should be moving, with the process starting the morning after the dream, we finally moved at the beginning of March. A very anxious 13 weeks after we had our offer accepted.

That spring clean moment for us started in November as soon as we sold the house and I have been so excited about making a new start. For me, the move was all about A FRESH START with everything. Who I work for, who I surround myself with, how I handle my anxiety, how I raise my children, how I cope with daily life as a mum who juggles work/house/kids/life. For me, this move was bigger than the house, it was all about saying GOODBYE to my depression and focusing on getting myself to where I have dreamt of for so long.

My prayers were answered and God listened.
As all the boxing up was happening, I felt numb. I was actually at the point where I wanted to leave everything but my family photo’s behind and start all over again. I have been ready for the new start for a while now.

I’m not sure if it was wise but I chose to go cold turkey on my anti-depressants on the day of the move. There’s nothing wrong with taking them but I have become dependent on them for years now. Relying on them to give me the energy and balance that my brain needs. It was annoying me how all my friends seem to juggle a hectic life without tablets and I needed them. I have been weak for so long. This is my chance to feel and be strong and to start a new journey where I learn to deal with my emotions.


My family and I love our new home and from the second we moved in, this house felt like OUR home. It was meant to be. God helped us find the home that fitted us. I will forever be grateful.

The neighbours so far, seem so lovely. We have had lovely welcome cards and the local kids come and knock for Nevie, Myla and Matilda to play out on their bikes.

I’m determined to get rid of the stress. I have come to realise that I can’t cope with stress. I just can’t cope with any form of stress. I only want to do the things that make me smile. I want life to flow without the stress. I like seeing my kids happy with their own space and Dave happy with his space. I’m fed up with crying in front of my kids.


Looking back, in 16 years, we have worked so hard to progress on the housing ladder. The two of us didn’t have expectations of a house. We just wanted to live together and be home-owners. We knew that each house we lived in was never our forever home. We tried to move several times but each time proved impossible until we decided to speak with an independent mortgage broker and she managed to offer more opportunities than a bank. We were surprised! She went beyond her call of duty. Being a mum herself meant that she understood our needs. I would encourage anyone looking to buy to speak with Pam at Chine Financial because she truly was our guardian angel and we will forever be grateful for making that phone call to her the day after Daves dream.

Unpacking means that I’m analysing everything because I don’t want to fill my home with ‘the black cloud’. Everything in my home needs to have that lovely, happy feeling. I need everything in my house to scream ‘we will be okay’ and I’m pretty sure that sounds crazy. Not only does this approach take place in my personal belongings but with activities and friends and work. Life is short and I know that it’s too important to waste. I can’t afford to be that unhappy person, I have three little girls that look up to me. I’m their influence. I’m the main woman in their beautiful lives that they are inspired to be.

Anyway, thank you for reading my rambles!


Emma x


Sometimes I Try Too Hard

Sometimes I try too hard. Actually, make that most of the time. If I really took the time to sit and think at the end of every single day what I had done, ya know, reflect then I would always end up asking myself why I bothered.

Why did I really go to that event?

Why did I really park where I did for the school run?

Why did I really blog?

Why did I really cook that dinner?

Why did I really go to that class?

Why do I take my kids to those activities?

Why did I really text that person?

I try too hard.

If I stopped trying and I just got on with my own business. My own life. The easy route then would all those things be missed? Would I feel any different? Would I worry so much? Would I care so much?

Have you ever got to that point where you think, hey! Let’s not bother. Let’s see what happens if I don’t try. If I take the simple life. So many people in my life that aren’t actually bothered about me. It’s just being polite. 

Earn only the amount I need to get by and not try and take on the world. Just cook one simple dinner that I know the family will eat. Park closer at the school where Matilda isnt going to have a melt down that it’s so far and she is freezing cold. Don’t text those that actually aren’t bothered about hearing from you. Just walk away from blogging as it’s just another thing that nobody cares about. Just keep myself to myself. Just don’t try. I wonder what would happen?


I have no idea how people do the 500 calorie diet

The Diet…

The calorie counting has had its plus and minuses if i’m honest. When I do it, it’s a real eye opener and I have no idea how people do this 500 calorie diet. I can’t seem to go under 1200 calories! On those days I don’t add data to the calorie counting app I feel like I’m free and I don’t eat as much. How does that work?! Anyway i’m 4lbs lighter than last year which is better than 4lbs on I guess.


Since the new year, I have run a lot. I’m talking 11 miles every weekend and dancing and gym and school runs (seriously I’m counting everything).

I just need to find someone to serve me my healthy snacks and meals – simple!

The House Move …

So, we sold at the end of November and we also bought at the end of November. We are currently so close to exchanging that I’m constantly checking my emails for the solicitor to announce the much-needed news. Argh it’s driving me insane. As both my husband and I work all week we have been doing clear outs, tip runs and packing on weekends around birthday parties and family outings. There is no method to the madness at all. Just tip everything we don’t want and box everything we are keeping. We still have lots to do but we are in limbo. How much do you pack up before you have exchanged? My existing house, of 10 years feels cold and empty now. We are ready to move on. In our minds this move is a fresh start and we want that fresh start to happen now. It’s almost like waiting for a much awaited holiday to come around.  I can imagine myself and my family in our new home – which is incredible when I have only been inside it once and day dream from the images on the leaflet. I also have worries. What if this house is nothing like I remember. The big move and all that excitement for nothing.

We still have lots to do but we are in limbo. How much do you pack up before you have exchanged? My existing house, of 10 years feels cold and empty now. We are ready to move on. In our minds this move is a fresh start and we want that fresh start to happen now. It’s almost like waiting for a much needed holiday to come around.  I can imagine myself and my family in our new home – which is incredible when I have only been inside it once and day dream from the images on the leaflet. I also have worries. What if this house is nothing like I remember. The big move and all that excitement for nothing. The grass isn’t always greener and all that.

Luckily there’s no work to do to the house – from what i remember. I want a wall taken down and the garage to be transformed and new furniture. I want all my girls to have pretty single beds rather than their high sleepers, I want a new bed, something vintage and pretty. A new dining table, A new sofa. I also want new curtains and new bedding, a new desk and a new dresser. I just want to start all over again and buy the things that I have dreamt about for years. I want it all light and white and calm and relaxing.

We spent the last ten years growing up in our house. Wasting money and saving money. Having three children and going from the early days in our careers to wherewe are now in our thirties. Our existing house had been the house that we have been growing up in. We have learnt a lot and created new dreams. Our new house is where we will be grown ups. Our decisions will be better. Our income and understanding of money is better.

The people my husband and I and our children want to be and want to become will happen in this house.