As I sit and type this post today, I am gazing out of my dining room window and looking out onto my back garden. It’s still. It’s covered in leaves but I was inspired to write a post because as I sit looking at all the brown and dark greens of the garden I can’t help but feel a little excited at the thought of all the beautiful colours that will start coming through my garden again. With the sound of rustling trees, squeaking guinea pigs (that I must clean out today!) and a fresh breeze coming through the open window, I’m feeling content knowing that we are going to embark on a new journey, in a new year too. A new year, for me, always comes with a wishlist. I love stepping into a new year and thinking about what could happen over the next 12 months. I’m excited at the thought of growing again this year. I love to learn and I know that a new year will always see me grow that little bit more. A chance to develop in both confidence and knowledge.
My husband agreed to help me get better this year. I’m not visibly sick. This depression and anxiety keeps taking over and I have allowed it to. It makes me a nightmare to live with but luckily I have a very understanding husband and my children don’t know any different. Keeping calm, focused and in control is the best way for me to manage it. My life gets over complicated and busy but that’s because I allow it too. My new word for 2018 is going to be NO (well in most situations). I promised myself that I would take a day off a week, so I can have a date with myself. It’s something I really need. I haven’t done this yet though. This is making me more poorly. I’m just one of those people that can’t cope with the stress of a busy week and I love having my own company to read a book, to write, to run, to walk, to shop, to clean. It’s so good for the soul.
I spent a year chasing after everything I didn’t need to, thinking it would make me better. I neglected something that I have done since 2005; blogging. I have blogged since 2005 and in 2017 I made myself too busy. This just made me worse. I missed blogging. I missed writing. I missed my little space on the internet and the blogging community.
I guess with being a business owner, I need to be more professional and not open up, but that’s just not me. I’m human. I’m honest and loyal and I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s just me. There’s no point in pretending i’m someone i’m not. I’m ME. I’m passionate about what I do for a living and I’m passionate about having my own company. It has been a dream for so long now, Just like my business, I couldn’t walk away from blogging.
I have set the same promise to myself that I always do, and usually every year it happens. Yep! Weightloss. Every year I do this and feel better and then i’m always ready to add on the pounds over December. It just didn’t happen in 2017. The anxiety took over and I turned to food and wine for comfort. This has always been a ‘thing’ but never as bad as it got in 2017. I’m not an alcoholic by the way but I did end up drinking most evenings and quickly too so I would feel that rush of being care free and the happy Emma. I would justify the calories by running. It doesn’t work like that and do you know what? It added to the anxiety and made me even more miserable!
I was also thinking about how much I love being in my garden and how very little I actually go out there and potter or sit. It’s one of those things that I just don’t have time for but when I do, I feel happy and calm. I’m a sucker for nature I guess. It makes me feel amazing. If you look my business name – Blossom Lane Marketing, you can see what inspired the name!
So there we go, day 1 of 365 days in 2018. It’s time to make me better.